Monday, November 29, 2010

And the Winner Is...

My favorite holiday was this weekend: Black Friday! I'm not a big fan of the deals, because one year I was fooled into buying two sets of Ginsu 7112 Chikara 12-Piece Stainless Steel Knives and I don't even know what a Santoku Knife is used for, let alone what I would do with two of them. Although, sometimes when I feel bad, I use them to pretend like I am a master of the martial arts who specializes in throwing knives and then I feel cool. But I haven't tried that in a while since I broke my lamp and had to buy a new one. See the endless black hole of money that Black Friday is!

Instead, Lester, Anna, and I go to the mall which opens at midnight to observe people and give awards, not to consumers and customers, but to the workers. Every year, we walk around the mall, making giant circles, carefully studying the workers so that we can accurately judge who deserves our coveted titles.

The Best Greeter Award: Did not go to one of the young, attractive, and trendy greeters, but to the middle-aged, motherly woman who welcomed us as if she was inviting us into her home. Except her home was not full of a big, yummy dinner, but full of shirts at half price. Anna was so impressed with her that she bought a shirt.

Most Patient Worker: This one was hard to determine, until we got tired from walking and sat on a bench to rest. From here we could see the woman who was working the carousel give a private ride to a kid while his parents stood nearby with huge bags in their hands. I guess this was his reward for being forced to stay up late and go shopping with his parents. After the ride, the worker went to her small enclosed booth where she sat on a stool, her head bobbing almost instantly. After a few minutes of struggling, her chin rested on her neck indefinitely. Indefinitely only lasted a few seconds though because another set of parents knocked on her window to give their child a private ride. This process repeated at least three more times, before we left to resume our mission. Each time she had just fallen asleep when another caring father or mother knocked on her window.

Most Out of Place Person (specially created in honor of the recipient, a special occasion because this is the first time ever that a non-worker has ever received an award, although I don't think he could be classified as a customer either): In the display window at American Eagle, along with the hip, pale manikins striking inhuman poses, a poorly dressed, peach live man was sitting in the corner reading a textbook, which looked like it was about the anatomy of the human heart. Why he chose this place to catch up on some studying, we will never know, but it was awesome.

All in all, it was a wonderful holiday! Next year we plan to create a lot more categories and Lester can actually make cool trophies to hand out to the winners.